Why is it so hard for me to get a moment's peace? The old lady that I live with hear's me come in and immediately tuns down to the basement to talk to me. Fuck,cant I atleast get my coat off? I say something to that extent at which point she tells me"that's okay I understand"which is more infuriating...I'm not asking you to understand! I'm asking you to not crowd me the second I walk through the door or stop me to converse when I go to take a piss.
So I hide in my basement...my cave...in the fear that I might be talked to.
Meanwhile my cats are crying for attention. I feel guilty and frustrated because I wish I could spend more time with them but what can I do? Work,school and a cruddy bus system where it sometimes is faster to take a greyhound to chicago than it is the bus across town into work...
I made a stupid mistake too. On my loan form I put down the amount I wanted for the semester when I was supposed to put down the year. So I have to call them soon,lest I get half the amount that I want.
Welcome to ulcerland...
So anyhow...
These things are funny when Im on my way to work but the tiredness of the bus and the demands of a needy elderly lady has left me feeling drained,my sarcastic parody not as funny as it once was. I go around my day,mentally mocking the little white trash things I hear on the bus...like when I hear some lady bitch to the bus driver about how people dont realize that"computers are putting people out of work" Heh. If I have to explain that one to you...and she prattles on about how people are "addicted to computers"and I think "atleast they arent addicted to ignorance...but the best one...oh this is good...is that "now first grade kids can do more on a computer than I can. "She says as she bemoans how difficult is..she,at fifty considers herself "too old to learn"
A first grader can do more on a computer than you can,ma'am. Because computers are too difficult. Think on that one for awhile.
Fuck....
Anyhow so I was at work and got sadistic glee from someone else's strife. She complained that she cant eat because her boyfriend just sits and watches her the whole time. I laughed outloud that someone actually has worse luck with men than I seem to..plus it just had some Seinfeld-esque entertainment value.
I shouldnt laugh really.The guy will probably turn out to be some sort of crazed psycho that hacks her into fifty million pieces and preserves her beauty in a fridge.And everyone at work will say" Oh I knew it when she told us about the dinner incident!
Heh.And it will no doubt be my karma to get my own pet stalker as a result of my tasteless entertainment.
You know....
Few things leave you feeling like a loser more than cruising the net on a saturday night,with no email in yur box and no one on your usual chats...the sudden feeling that everyone else is out there drinking and having fun..whereas here are you listening to "The First Born is Dead"by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds,drinking southern comfort at 7 pm and serenading your affection deprived cat...it's not like I cant go out somewhere,but Im saving all my money for chicago visits and moves and besides, I don't really like anyone in this town besides one or two people so I may as well hang out with my cats...still,a hard day at work and an empty email box and you think "I'm on about ten zillion different elists and I still only have nine messages? Wow, everyone
What would happen if I didnt get my financial aid or only half of it?Nothing at all. A postponement of a month or two,but what if? Gaah...fuck what ifs,wont get stuck I dont care if it is a soul sucking vortex....I'll be a vagrant in some strange city muttering"I didnt kill er!I didnt kill er!"and carrying my cats around in my shopping cart,a bottle of SoCo in tow...